Today I went swimming in our new pool. It's a cool little round pool 12 feet across and 36 inches deep. It's great. In past years we've had this dinky kids' pool that our dog was able to drop his tennis ball into. The water was not actually great, however - it was freezing cold. But my dad cleaned it out yesterday and the water was beautifully clear. Except for a dead spider that managed to intrude. Man, I hate spiders. Being out in the sun all day at the zoo gave me a farmer's tan and I'm trying to fix that. It could take a while.
I had a dream about horses the other night that made me really depressed. It reminded me of my riding days that I enjoyed a few years ago. Every Saturday my dad and I would attend our riding lessons at the Sunset Riding Academy. It was the most fun I think I've ever had. I was getting good, too. I loved to jump - that was favorite thing to do. But for some reason I felt the need to stop after about a year. I tend to do that. I start things but never finish them, even things that I like to do. Like tennis. Might just be me thinking I'm no good at what I'm doing at the time, I don't know. Sadly, the Sunset Academy is no longer.
Well, I dyed my hair a couple weeks ago. It's a very dark brown, almost black. It's supposed to last six weeks but I can already tell it's starting to fade. I'm naturally a red head, so it's a big change. Black is what I was going for but the only way I could get it was if I dyed my hair permanently. So I figured I'd try this brown out and see if I like it. Well, it turns I really, really like it. That means next time I see my hairdresser I'm going black. I have no idea what the kids at school will think next year. But who cares. I love it. The other day my grandparents, who live in San Francisco, came over and I think they hated my hair. They didn't say so but they didn't need to. I could just tell. Oh, well. My other grandparents like it.
I'm sort of at this point where I'm trying to change myself. I mean my outlook on life and the way I feel about myself, which isn't great. I guess it's starting to come out physically too. I'm getting a tatoo this summer, a little green frog on the left side of my lower back. I'm really excited. Well, with this tatoo and the black hair I thought my parents might be worried about me, but they're all for it. So I'm lucky. I'm trying this new thing out; it's called uniqueness. A year ago, it was the last thing I wanted to try. A school counselor told me I wasn't "normal" and it freaked me out. Made me really angry, too. I fell into a sort of depression that lasted quite a while. I'm still on meds. But now I'm ready to really feel better. And I'll do whatever it takes to actually like myself. I guess my appearance has a lot to with it - I've been depressed about physical things for quite a long time.
Anyway, enough with the sad stuff. Well, maybe not - tomorrow I have to go to the dentist. Blech. My dentist doesn't like me because I don't floss. Well, nobody flosses. Right? Oh, well.
Oh, I just realized the games are on now. Gotta go.
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2 comments:
I'm looking forward to your new darker hair color... will it be black when you come to Sonoma? I love you the way you are, but I know how much fun change and experimentation are... I still am undecided about whether to bleach or not to bleach!
You're getting a tattoo, G? Coolness! There'll be two of us in the family! I was thinking about getting another one meself. Not sure what, but I'm thinking something cherry-blossom-ish.
Very curious to see you with the black hair! You'll hafta email me a pic! Better yet, come visit us in JP again, k? We'd love to have you, and it's been awhile, ne?
By the way, your school counselor should be fired for saying such a lame thing, or at the very least tied down and forced to watch endless reruns of Dukes of Hazzard... Normal? What the h-e-double-toothpicks is normal? Does anyone know? Egads, if I ever become normal, somebody kill me please. You're great, and you're dealing with this pain-in-the-arse world in your own way.
And yer photoshop stuff is very cool. Such skills could come in very useful in the future, besides being very fun in the present. Have you tried downloading any photoshop actions? It's a great way to learn and to see how other people have created interesting stuff. I highly recommend it.
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