Well, something strange happened today.
This morning I was reading Tony Attwood's book about Asperger's. Blair came in and asked me what I was reading. I told him.
Then he said that maybe the only thing wrong with me is that I am extremely egocentric. That I only care about myself and that I can't care about anyone else. He also said that Asperger's Syndrome is the same as Narcissistic Disorder.
So... what? Where did that come from?
I am sick of being told that I am selfish. Grandpa said it, now Blair.
I would be lying if I said I didn't care what they thought about me. In fact, I care very much. They are my family. If they were people I knew at school, then I could probably let it go. But they aren't.
I thought I had them on my side. I thought they liked me. I thought Grandpa liked the things that I did because I tried to do things that he would like. I though Blair liked me because he is always so nice to me. Michael (old therapist) said that he thought that Blair thought I was his favorite person in the household. I guess not.
Anyway, I can't just get over this. This is huge news to me. I never would have guessed this from them. I am shocked.
So.... now I will continue to go about my day and coming days trying to forget this. But it will be hard.
I don't want to tell you guys anything like this ever again. It almost feels like I am making this up so people can feel sorry for me. But believe it or not, I am not making this up.
I have been thinking back to everything that I have done in my life to see if there is any truth to what they said. I have found lots of things that would suggest that. But to say that my lack of confidence around other people and my inability to relate to them is due to my extreme egocentricity, or narcissism, seems completely insane to me. I don't get it.
Whatever. I don't know how I can change their opinions or if I should even bother.
Sigh. Luckily I have riding and Shark Week on the Discovery Channel to keep my mind off things. But maybe I shouldn't do things I like because that would just be playing into my self-centeredness. (Sarcasm).
Yes. I will go watch Myth Busters try and bust the movie Jaws. They proved that a scuba tank can't blow up when shot with a rifle. It just turns into a rocket and would send the shark into outer space! Haha. But sharks can break through a shark cage... yikes.
Bye!
5 comments:
Okay, when did Blair get his license to practice therapy?? And what kind of idiot says something so harmful to someone who is struggling? A narcissist, that's who! Please call Dr Selleem immediatley... no more waiting around for things... seize the day!! You need to be making things happen that will get you out on your own....
You know, I have been thinking a little more, and Blair might have been trying, awkwardly, because communication is not exactly his strong suit, to help you... he has seen a shrink in the past, and he is probably using the info he has learned about himself....
please don't suffer in silence, tell him that his words hurt you, and see if you can get some resolution to the situation...
OMG, G! I didn't say any of those things in the manner that you took it!
What I did say is, quote, "You are smarter than 97% of the population so maybe its harder for to relate to others; and you don't have much experience in putting others ahead of yourself like in love, marriage or a child; maybe you're looking out for #1 as teenagers rightly should. Is Aspburgers a clinical diagnosis? Didn't they used to call that naricism?" Endquote.
I mean really. Does what you wrote sound like me?! I am your biggest fan and always have been.
On reflection I might have said, "Teenagers can be rightly self-absorbed." instead of "taking care of #1" (meaning that doesn't make them certifiable).
In any case, I'm sorry. It wasn't meant as a personal attack. And the narcisism comment was supposed to be funny (about the lack of diagnoses of such things in the past).
I don't mean to be flippant about it; nor did I mean to belittle. I need to know more about it, really.
I most certainly didn't call you "selfish" or even say that word in fact.
We go weeks without talking more than a few sentences so how much offense can I create in as much time as it takes to pour and dress a cup of coffee?
I truly meant no offense and I'm truly sorry that I caused you undue stress. I love you G.
-Dad
I hope you and Blair have patched things up now... Blair, sorry I popped off at first, I can be a little fast on the trigger... I have never doubted your love for Grayce, and if she wasn't so distracted by all the stuff that is going on with her life right now, she probably wouldn't have taken the remarks the way she did... and Grayce, even the most loving parents (and Grandparents) get worn out by problems their kids are having, and can revert to anger at times... I used to want to hang up on Joel when he called me in the middle of the night... and worse... your Mom can tell you... we all just need to remember to stick together, none of us is perfect, and slowly all these problems will pass... of course new ones will crop up, but that is a whole other thing!!
xoxoxo to you and Blair...
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